The Science of the Friend Zone

Here’s a very interesting video about that “dreaded” status. Presenter Michael Stevens presented strong arguments as to what causes “the biological tendency for one sex to be competitive and for the other to be choosy” and he did it in a very engaging manner. I also like how he segued into the diminishing quality of relationships over the years and how being “friend zoned” is not necessarily a tragic thing.

Watching this brought to mind a quote by C.S. Lewis from his book The Four Loves where he stated the superiority of friendship over a love affair:

“Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend. The rest of us know that though we can have erotic love and friendship for the same person yet in some ways nothing is less like a Friendship than a love-affair. Lovers are always talking to one another about their love; Friends hardly ever about their Friendship. Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other; Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessary number for Friendship, is not even the best. And the reason for this is important.
… In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets… Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, “Here comes one who will augment our loves.” For in this love “to divide is not to take away.”

So to all my friends… I LOVE YOU. And advance Happy Valentines, bitches 🙂

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